It's Complicated

I dunno whether wanna fell sad o unhappy o wat.. after my holiday i dint update my blog till now.. i feel that i dowan 2let other ppl 2talk about me.. my life.. n laugh at me.. but i really need a space 4myself 2express out my feeling.. i've never told my things to other ppl even my best fren.. i will just keep things 2myself.. i cant really tell them how i feel about.. how i react on.. cos from small till now i will just stay at a corner n cry by my own.. from my family problem till finance problem then love problem.. all also by my own.. i think now also.. shall i o shall not i tell out? i just cant figure it out lo.. mayb sumtimes i will then mayb sumtimes i won.. how? answer=dunno.. 2day i just suddenly think over that incident.. then my tears just roll down.. i really so jealous on tat.. he never ever use tat eyesight to look at me b4.. y untill so long d he still will look at her at that way? a sudden feeling.. but y is not on me but on her? i really cant 4get.. he always said that i got attitude problem n i know i had.. but is that wrong? is my attitude make u return back 2her?? tat really hurt me so much.. i think untill end of my life i will still remember.. iw anna stop tis relationship.. but i just cant.. every moment i keep think n think n think.. but i just cant make a decision.. i dunno whether i 4giv u is a correct decision o not.. but i know i cant really trust u.. when u r not wit me i will always think izit u r betraying me o wat.. is tat a relationship should be? is there any love btw us? o just a responsibility? u neva show how much u love me.. n neva show u had change.. but wat u have show is just an ordinary u.. sometimes i just need a real caring.. n a real love.. avthing now seems 2b ok but inside my heart there's always a hole there which cant b replace by anything.. wat should i do?? i really enjoy chit chat wit u.. i feel very relax n fun.. but when v go out.. avthing change.. v will fight 4small matters n u'll said my attitude.. it seems lik aavthing bcome my problem again.. wat an attitude problem i had.. so avone out there i had an attitude problem now!!!